My Dating Fear

In ‘Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life’, Rory has a boyfriend that she forgets continuously, and by forgets I mean she forgets his whole existence. I bring that reference to light as I have had this fear of forgetfulness ever since I started my relationship and now that my relationship has changed to be long-distance it has popped up more and more in my subconscious. This fear is not that I will necessarily be completely forgotten but that my presence will no longer be remembered, or needed or well something that my partner thinks of in general. Essentially it is that I will just not be considered an influence in my partners life anymore, and thus not be involved in it.

This is an interesting fear for numerous reasons, as it has been hard to talk to C* about this because I am unable to truly describe my fear. Along with the fact that even if he does come to understand what I am saying there is still no real way for me to not have that fear as unfortunately he really can’t confirm that I am still an influence in his life. He can’t completely confirm that I am someone he wants to talk about the big things with first or even the small ones. There is no way to confirm that I am someone who he find important enough to mention to others despite the fact I may not necessarily be present in his current life stories.

I do truly understand that I probably won’t have any real relief from this fear, my main goal is to find a way to not have it control my life or feelings towards my relationship. In all honesty the most I can even ask for from C* is him talking to me and for him to try to find ways to show me that I am still prevalent in his life. Such as telling me about those in his life and continuing to include me in the things he is doing, even if it is just through some form of communication about it. As for now all I can do is continue to talk to C* about my fears and hope that it does not take over my views on my relationship.

Rayner

 

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