There are many phrases for it “Beating around the bush”, “flicking the bean” or just straight up masturbation. A normal thing for one to do when they have an itch to scratch or just need to relax. The only issue is that the general public only really considers masturbation normal for guys. Using the misconception that masturbation is dirty and unclean with the stereotype of the “delicate and respectful” gender together to create the idea that women don’t masturbate. Even with this misconception at play in many peoples minds, there is a huge market for dildos, vibrators and other sex toys that are targeted pretty strictly to women or couples. Not saying there isn’t a huge market for things for men, but the second you walk into a sex shop you are bombarded with dildos, novelty items, vibrators, and more. In most shops, there is only a small tiny section for fleshlights and other male based items. So how is it that women get more of the toys but men get more of the acceptance?
This has been a conversation that has puzzled me for many years, from sitting around a room in junior high and seeing the looks of shame on my female classmates faces when the topic came up, to being on my patio and getting to hear all of my female friends from high school discuss how no one talks about women’s sexuality (let alone female masturbation). I was lucky to be in a house that accepted and acknowledged general human nature, though it was my brother who was first to bring my attention to the confusion men have about female masturbation. He came home from school and was talking to my dad about a sex ed class he was in, and he brought up the fact a girl in his class asked how women are supposed to masturbate. From my understanding, the teacher had made a comment in relation to how men tend to masturbate, leading to this question.
In one sense my brother was confused by the fact she had to ask, because shouldn’t she know her body and the functions of it. Then he went further to ask about why she would want to know, in a tone that I remember as judgment and a light type of disgust. Granted my brother was fairly young at the time but that stuck with me as a way men view women, or at least the men in my age group. I would love to tell you exactly what my fathers response to my brother was but I was so confused by why he had such negative feelings towards this girl he barely knew wanting to learn about her body, that I didn’t really register my father’s words as strongly as I should have. Though I do remember that the general idea was that women do masturbate and she has a right to know her body.
My Father made my brother aware that women masturbate, and that it’s normal and acceptable. Though not all men have the desire to talk to their dads about that and even if they do they may not have a father who can normalize that action as it may not be normal to them. People masturbate and it is normal, it is natural and it is going to continue even if people find it taboo but women need to be told that others do it, that they are not alone. That taking time to explore your body is, in general, a good idea and a healthy practice!