The Sex Talk

Before you even start to think this is going to be about teaching someone the “birds and the Bee’s” I am just going to let you know from the start that’s not right! I’m talking about the sex talk most couples have at some point! Sometimes the sex talk includes a detailed history of your sexual repertoire, but I am not going to focus on that aspect of it in this post. Instead, I am going to focus on the part of the sex talk that has you tell your partner your fantasies, what has felt good, what has maybe missed the mark, and if there is any way you want to change/advance what you are doing.

This conversation can happen more than once in a relationship and hell it could be a play by play as you have sex. But no matter when you have it, and how often you do, the main point is you should be having it! Telling your partner what feels good, one almost guarantees that they will continue to do it, and who knows maybe they like doing it too! It’s also a way to tell them that their “specialty move” just isn’t hitting that perfect spot. The great thing though is that if you talk about it you can find the things that make both of you have a great time and maybe experiment with things you both have been curious about!

Another great reason to have this type of talk is that it also helps with consent, if you talk about what is 100% ok with them and what is a definite NO then you will know where the line is. You will know that if you nibble on their earlobe its something that they are cool with, and that they are not going to be upset by. You can know if they are actually into you being a more dominant person, who knows maybe they want rougher behavior from you, and because of the talk, you can do so with their consent and without feeling like you might be doing something wrong or it might be more than they want.

I know that in my relationship we do have the “sex talk” convo’s where we acknowledge what we enjoy it, present an idea to try, make sure that the other one is all cool still, and it’s doing that is really nice. One, it shows that my boyfriend actually is concerned about if I am fully comfortable with everything we are doing and as a plus, it shows he cares about my orgasm! Caring about your partner’s experience is important in a relationship, and no one can argue with that! It honestly makes me feel much more comfortable with my sex life! Knowing how much better my sex life is from conversations like this I will forever be an advocate for sex talks!

This is only one of the many types of conversations that are important for sexual partners to have, though this is the one that most people forget about! Many women don’t express if things are just not quite right, and that is shitty! Honestly holding back your actual needs because of not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings is not ridiculous because you never know if they are faking some enjoyment themselves! So be kind to yourself and your partner and talk!

Rayner

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