Girlfriends!

I have always been the girl that has had a ton of Guy friends, hell my two best friends from my hometown are guys (actually my only close friends from there are). For some reason, it was hard for me to make female friends, which could be because I grew up spending time with my dad at our family plumbing company or with my mom helping with the dirty work of a pet store. It even could be because I am horrible at showing emotion and connecting with people on deeper emotional levels. In high school I somewhat got a close group of “girlfriends” that I bonded with, but as time moved on and some of us grew closer or bonded in different ways things got intense. Plus we were all hormonal and trying to deal with the different complexities of our lives while also going through the hell hole called the public education system. If you haven’t guessed it, I am no longer really in contact with any of those girls, except one I talk to on and off.

Though since moving away for university I have found it was much easier to meet women than men. I think it was mostly because the guys I talked to were either too “bro” or thought I wanted to sleep with them. So since male friends were hard to come by in my first year I had to become more comfortable hanging out with women and that was tricky for me. Even after I did make what I thought was close female friendships it never got easier for me, I was under a different understanding than my friends on a few issues and it just didn’t work out. Interestingly as my range of male friends increased my issues with my female friends did too. Some of the girls kept asking me to hook them up, or they would become mad that I wouldn’t go out for a drink when I had plans to play beer pong with the guys. Thanking with the awkward fights and issues my friend group (male and female) have dwindled down to a somewhat solid group! We all know eachother… though not necessarily to the extent as those in the tv show Friends, but even though we still know eachother enough to hang out and be ok.

In this smaller group, I found Faye and Serena. Two great women that I have come to be very close to, in different ways! Faye and I bonded over a shared history and interest in academics and information. Serena and I actually bonded over a shared nicotine addiction and met while living in the same residence building when we would go outside for cigarettes and eventually became close outside of school and even quit smoking together. Even though I have known both of these women for over a year I didn’t realize how close we actually had become until a party a friend of ours had. Obviously, I had realized we were close but not the type of close I had always wanted. These two girls were there for me when I was feeling uncomfortable and insecure and helped in the most entertaining and weird ways. They went into a detective mode, caddy mode, and just annoying bitching mode. They did what they could to help me in my somewhat intoxicated state as I felt like I was breaking.

Though the most interesting part for me was that this situation I was in was brought by a specific person and as the night was dwindling this person wasn’t leaving. I was getting more uncomfortable with nowhere to go as that was the place I was staying and Faye and Serena just turned to me and said that they would stay until this person left. They didn’t have any awkward I don’t actually want to be doing this tone in their voices they just said it as if it was the most logical option. So they stayed. They stayed until I felt ok without them there, and they didn’t get angry as it grew later, we just sat in a corner and talked about what was happening around us in a kind of coded weird way that only friends would understand. That was when I realized how close I was to them, the energy that was around us, the laughter, the goofiness.

These women fit the friendship I need now and have wanted for a while and I am so grateful. Grateful for friends who are not secretly competing with me, who are there when I need them without thinking about what they are missing. The friends that I can debate intellectually with but can also talk about sex and relationships with. They take the stereotypical “girlfriends” from tv and movies and puts them to shame. Even the women from Sex and the city who are characters said to have the best female friendships aren’t up to par with them because they are just amazing and flawed and quirky and we all are insane in our own ways. We have all seen eachother cry or get angry, or have a crisis more than once! We aren’t perfect and we all have different interests but we all get it! So I am intensely happy that I have them to help me when I am crashing and burning, or just when I need a beer!

Rayner

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